My life radically changed the first week of my Discipleship Training School. I went from not really following the Lord to encountering him and learning all about Him.
It was a roller coaster of growing in my relationship with Him and then crashing down in the last week. I had made a mistake and felt like a total failure.
I was convicted. I told my leader that I felt disqualified from God using me. I didn’t think I could go on outreach. The enemy lied to me, it felt like I could no longer be a role model and that I was a hypocrite to try and minister to people.
He told me I had messed everything up and I listened.
I still made it to Thailand with my team however. I finally confided in them about my struggle and they helped me so much. My team stood unified and supported me. They assured me that God had me there for a reason and they wanted me on their team.
They prayed with me and helped me. I learned to pray hard and fight the lies. It took some time but God helped me get past my self doubt. As we moved into Cambodia, I began putting my all into outreach.
Our contact, a Thai missionary named Jhin, took us to visit villages she was working in. I still doubted that I could minister to people. I thought it would be so awkward to just walk up and talk about God.
As a team, we went from family to family and I was amazed at their hunger for Jesus. They’re mostly Buddhist but haven’t heard about God’s love and were open to us as we shared.
One day as we left a particular village, we passed a group of elderly ladies that we often saw sitting and talking. Jhin, who was translating for us, turned and said bluntly, “Do you see these ladies? We don’t know when they are going to die. Can one of you go share the gospel with them?”
I stood in the back of the group and hesitated; then decided, “You know what, I’ll do it.”
At that same moment, my thoughts panicked. “What did I get myself into? What I am supposed to say? I don’t have half the experience they do, so what can I share? I’m only a 20 year-old and they’re about 90!”
As I walked over to them I prayed silently, “Lord, please help me. Holy Spirit come and let me speak the words you want me to say.”
I don’t even remember everything I said. It was a blur.
I shared a little of my testimony and told them about God’s love. I read them a scripture and took advantage of the pauses with the translation to think about what I was going to say next.
When I finished sharing, the translator continued talking to them for a long time. I begin thinking, “What’s the problem? I hope I said the right things.”
Then Jhin turned around with a smile on her face. “All of them want to give their lives to Christ,” she said.
I was so stoked. “Wait, really?” I said. “This is awesome!” The ladies faces were lit up with joy.
Jhin led them in a prayer and told them how to connect with a local Christian gathering.
Outreach was such a big breaking point for me. I learned that combatting self doubt is really about trusting in the Lord and putting confidence in him. He already won the victory.
Don’t be afraid to step out. When you get out of your comfort zone the rewards are so much greater. Don’t be afraid to ask God what you need at that moment. When you do, it will come.
He did it for me, and it was awesome.
Port YWAM Kona DTS Alumnus