“What if it was all for my own good? What if the struggles I face are also for a reason?”

As an older single female, I have times where I struggle with still being single. I’ll sit and wonder why I’m not married; why it seems like almost everyone around me is either dating someone or married.

Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy my singleness but…

I’ve questioned God and His reasoning for this. Sometimes I wish I had an answer for this; a formula to help other singles out there that also have this same struggle as I do but alas I do not.

What I have learned though, with being in a relationship with Him, is to rely on Him, to trust Him and wait for His timing. I know that He’s a good Father; I know that when I read the Bible, I can read about other followers of God, see their struggles and how God got them through it.

I’ve also learned that I can’t see everything that God can. I can only see “2 feet in front of me.” Meaning, I can only see my life from the day to day as I go forward. It’s when I look back that I can piece together reasons for why things happened the way they did.

If I look at God as a good father, which I do, then I have to realize He’s guiding me through my days here on earth. His reasons for telling me to do this or that are good and pure and true. He really knows what’s best for me and that continues to also be true when He tells me not to do something.

I can’t pick and choose what I want to believe about Him based on how I’m feeling. This is a constant learning process. When I became a Christian, I didn’t know how to handle every situation that came my way, but I kept learning about God; I kept talking to Him, praying to Him and reading the Bible.

It gets hard sometimes; to keep going when you feel like you’re in the desert and there’s no oasis in sight. It can be very discouraging, but I’ve learned to trust God and to be open with Him about how I’m doing. Once I’ve given my troubles over to Him and trusted in who I know Him to be, then I receive the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I cannot count how many times I’ve presented my requests to God and have, in return, received peace.

I still have my moments though. Those feelings of getting frustrated with still being single when I look at the world around me and long to be married.

It’s during those times that I reflect on God. I read my Bible and remind myself of what it means to live my life for Him. If God created what I see, hear and feel, then I have to remember that he created relationships and everything that goes into them.

It’s about His timing too.

When I figure out that I want something, I want it right then, right now. With following God, that’s not how it goes. He’s constantly teaching me that it needs to be in his timing. All the time.

Recently I was overseas, taking a leadership course. I was conversing with God about my singleness when a revelation hit me, “What if it was for my own good?” My being single. “What if God was teaching me how to be in a romantic relationship all these years without actually being in one?” That I wouldn’t have to carry the baggage from past romantic relationships because there isn’t anything to carry.

For instance, I have a great relationship with my parents and I’ve seen them work on their marriage throughout the years. I’ve had amazing gal pals in my life and some really great guys friends. I’ve learned how to communicate when times got tough and to be supportive when there was a need. I’ve even learned how to let go of what was unhealthy.

In the midst of all of this, though, my mind would wander to thoughts of marriage.

If God was keeping me from marriage all these years in order to protect me, that would mean this whole time I kept focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of focusing on God and growing in my walk with Him, I have chosen, at times, to look at what I don’t have and let that be my focus.

I chose to compare my life to others and that has gotten me nowhere, except more frustrated and self-centered. A life of comparison has kept me away from looking to God in some circumstances.

It has robbed me of my joy.

That revelation hit home and changed my thought process. It wasn’t punishment after all. It was His grace on my life. His way of protecting me from being more hurt than necessary.

It’s crazy to think that He loves me that much. He cares for me that much. What might be looked at as something ugly is actually something beautiful. Quite beautiful.

I don’t have all the answers but I do have perspective. I know singleness is rad and being on this journey with God can be very challenging at times but I also know peace and perseverance.

I know I don’t see the full picture of what’s happening and I’m good with that. I can stand here and know that my Father is a good Father and His timing is best even when I don’t agree with it.

By Jaime Gomez
Port YWAM Kona Communications Staff

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